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Soooo True !
Americans Following Obama !!
One in a life time shot!
QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!
If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it
considered rape or shoplifting?
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a
your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried
in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a
good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up
every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see
you naked anyway.
Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut,
can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he
just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call
it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,
but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Why, Why, Why
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there
not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but
check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a
revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum
cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give
the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping
cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?'
isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why
don't you watch
where you're going?'
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off
the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when
we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering
from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if
they're okay, then it's you.
Subject: Fifty Years of Math
Fifty Years of Math 1957 - 2008
Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King
for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried. Why do I tell you this?
Because of the evolution in teaching math since
1. Teaching Math In 1950s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his
2. Teaching Math In 1960s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
3. Teaching Math In 1970s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.
His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?
4. Teaching Math In 1980s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.
His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
5. Teaching Math In 1990s
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because
he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the
habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class
participation after answering the question: How did the
birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes?
(There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying,
6. Teaching Math In 2008
Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara
$100. El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?
This history lesson will make you go hmmmmmmm????
Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Now it gets really weird.
Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln ..
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln ' made by 'Ford.'
Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here's the kicker...
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
Andy Rooney's Tips for Handling Telemarketers
Three Little Words That Work !!
(1)The three little words are: "Hold On, Please..."
Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off (instead of
hanging-up immediately) would make each telemarketing call so much more
time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt.
Then when you eventually hear the phone company's "beep-beep-beep" tone,
you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has
efficiently completed its task.
These three little words will help eliminate telephone soliciting.
(2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the other
This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone calls and
records the time of day when a person answers the phone.
This technique is used to determine the best time of day for a "real"
sales person to call back and get someone at home.
What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one there, is
to immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, 6 or 7 times, as
quickly as possible. This confuses the machine that dialed the call and it kicks
your number out of their system. Gosh, what a shame not to have
your name in their system any longer !!!
(3) Junk Mail Help:
When you get "ads" enclosed with your phone or utility bill, return
these "ads" with your payment. Let the sending
companies throw their own junk mail away.
When you get those "pre-approved" letters in the mail for
everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar
type junk, do not throw away the return envelope.
Most of these come with postage-paid return envelopes, right? It costs
them more than the regular 41 cents postage "IF" and when they receive
It costs them nothing if you throw them away! The postage was
around 50 cents before the last increase and it is according to
the weight. In that case, why not get rid of some of your other
junk mail and put it in these cool little, postage-paid
One of Andy Rooney's (60 minutes) ideas.
Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express.
Send a pizza coupon to Citibank.
If you didn't get anything else that day, then just send
them their blank application back!
If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name
isn't on anything you send them.
You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to just to keep
them guessing! It still costs them 41 cents.
The banks and credit card companies are currently getting a lot of their
own junk back in the mail, but folks, we need to OVERWHELM them. Let's
let them know what it's like to get lots of junk mail, and best of all
they're paying for it...Twice!
Let's help keep our postal service busy since they are saying that
e-mail is cutting into their business profits, and that's why they need
to increase postage costs again You get the idea !
If enough people follow these tips, it will work ---- I have been doing
this for years, and I get very little junk mail anymore.
What Are the Odds of This Happening?
Life can sometimes produce fascinating, extraordinary coincidences. Here are a few of the most amazing ones:
In 1975, a man riding a moped in Bermuda was accidentally struck and killed by a taxi. One year later, the man’s brother, riding the very same moped, was killed in the very same way by the very same taxi driven by the very same driver -- and carrying the very same passenger.
Twin brothers Jim Lewis and Jim Springer were separated at birth and adopted by different families. Unknown to each other, both were named James, both owned a dog named Toy, both married women named Linda, both had a son they names James Alan, and both eventually divorced and got remarried to a woman named Betty.
Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence, and John Adams helped to edit and hone it. The Continental Congress approved the document on July 4, 1776. Both Jefferson and Adams died on July 4, 1826 -- exactly 50 years after the signing of the Declaration of Independence.
A German mother who photographed her infant son in 1914 left the film to be developed at a store in Strasbourg, but was unable to collect the film picture when World War I broke out. Two years later she bought a film plate in Frankfurt, over 100 miles away, and took a picture of her newborn daughter -- only to find, when developed, the picture of her daughter superimposed on the earlier picture of her son. The original film, never developed, had been mistakenly labeled as unused and resold.
In 1858, Robert Fallon was shot dead by fellow poker players who accused him of cheating to win a $600 pot. None of the other players were willing to take the now unlucky $600, so they found a new player to take Fallon’s place, who turned the $600 into $2,200 in winnings. At that point, the police arrived and demanded that the original $600 be given to Fallon’s next of kin -- only to discover that the new player was Fallon’s son, who had not seen his father in seven years.
In the 19th century, the famous horror writer Egdar Allan Poe wrote a book called ‘The narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym.’ It was about four survivors of a shipwreck who were in an open boat for many days before they decided to kill and eat the cabin boy whose name was Richard Parker. Some years later, in 1884, the yawl, Mignonette, foundered, with only four survivors, who were in an open boat for many days. Eventually the three senior members of the crew killed and ate the cabin boy. The name of the cabin boy was Richard Parker.
In 1930s Detroit, a man named Joseph Figlock was to become an amazing figure in a young (and, apparently, incredibly careless) mother’s life. As Figlock was walking down the street, the mother’s baby fell from a high window onto Figlock. The baby’s fall was broken and Figlock and the baby were unharmed. A year later, the same baby fell from the same window, again falling onto Mr. Figlock as he was passing beneath. Once again, both of them survived the event.
In 1973, actor Anthony Hopkins agreed to appear in “The Girl From Petrovka”, based on a novel by George Feifer. Unable to find a copy of the book anywhere in London, Hopkins was surprised to discover one lying on a bench in a train station. It turned out to be George Feifer’s own annotated (personal) copy, which Feifer had lent to a friend, and which had been stolen from his friend’s car.
In Monza, Italy, King Umberto I went to a small restaurant for dinner, accompanied by his aide-de-camp, General Emilio Ponzia-Vaglia. When the owner took King Umberto’s order, the King noticed that he and the restaurant owner were virtual doubles, in face and in build. Both men began discussing the striking resemblance between each other and found many more similarities.
1. Both men were born on the same day, of the same year (March 14, 1844).
2. Both men had been born in the same town.
3. Both men married a woman with same name, Margherita.
4. The restaurateur opened his restaurant on the same day that King Umberto was crowned King of Italy.
5. On the 29th July 1900, King Umberto was informed that the restaurateur had died that day in a mysterious shooting accident, and as he expressed his regret, an anarchist in the crowd then assassinated him.
While American novelist Anne Parrish was browsing bookstores in Paris in the 1920s, she came upon a book that was one of her childhood favorites -- Jack Frost and Other Stories. She picked up the old book and showed it to her husband, telling him of the book she fondly remembered as a child. Her husband took the book, opened it, and on the flyleaf found the inscription: “Anne Parrish, 209 N. Weber Street, Colorado Springs.” It was Anne’s very own book.
Are these instances merely coincidence, or are they something more? It all depends on how you look at it.
As the famous words of Albert Einstein sum up quite nicely: “There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”